Hiiiiiiiiiii

Yes, I have been withdrawn lately. Several have noticed.

A lot has changed. A. Lot.

I got a new job.

It is not the type of job I dreamed of leaving Former Fight Club for, but FFC had finally gotten financially unworth the comfort of routine as well as reaching new levels of instability. New Fight Club is viewed through the lens of a new start in a hopefully less toxic environment. I’ve decided if I wind up not happy there I will rough it out a year and aggressively look for a new thing. Which is not to say I don’t see any possibility of staying – this is telling myself staying in a place that makes me miserable for 12 years is unhealthy. I remember at one point a manager I’d previously worked with got fired and I thought “HA I outlasted the jackass!” And later I realized…what did I win? Not a thing.

Captain Awkward often reminds her readers there is no gold medal for Long Suffering Girlfriend of X Years. They don’t exist for jobs, either.

I’ve had my corporate training, my sitting multiple hours at a computer and watching 600000 training films with bad acting. Tomorrow I start training with people, and the next week I’m on my own. I know I’m capable of doing the work. My anxiety is fueled by my routine being gone.

In addition to this, kid starts new school Monday. With this week’s schedule my mother will have to help take her, including the first day. That hurts my heart a little. But I’ve been able to do it until now, and a lot of people don’t get that much. If I continue to be scheduled so early we’re going to put her on the morning bus.

Today I changed my work info in the places it matters. I took my car in for what I thought would be a very expensive new pads/rotors/shoes brake job, and all it is (comparatively) is a broken brake cable. They said the actual brakes look ok. It’s an oof, not a boing.

Of course, I was almost done paying off the body work from DEER!2015.

My mother will be going out of town for 3 weeks to help other family. She said something about it to me in May, but (A) I didn’t catch the 3 weeks part and (B) neither she nor my dad reminded me about it when I was in the process of rearranging my entire life. When she said something yesterday that she’d be gone for 3 weeks starting the second week of school…

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If nothing else kid can ride the bus.

Kid’s all bent out of shape today I’m not going to work. “BUT IT’S FRIDAY!”

Guess this is an adjustment for her, too.

deep breath I can do this.

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