Depressed today

When you wake up tired and feel your brain turning to mush, it’s a bad thing.

Then you sleep all day. You let kid watch tv all day even though you were going to get her out of the house and do something else. You just don’t have the energy.

You start to message friends, but you realize they have stuff to do. Your problems aren’t theirs. Let them be. Don’t burden them.

You’re miserable because you feel a great loss. Again. Life is full of loss. Nothing you can do about it. But the losses you feel right now hurt and hurt deep, and all you want is a stretch of lasting joy to hold on to and push you through. You want a moment of familiarity. That One Person who can make everything better just by saying hi. For things to be the way they were before Everything Changed and Nothing Was the Same.

And it can’t be.

So you eat greasy horrible food, too many Good Humor strawberry shortcake popsicles, and take your heavy duty cough syrup to sleep through the night. Because since you slept all day who knows how tonight will go.

It speaks to me right now. However I can’t forgive myself.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s