And the hits just keep on coming

I realized this morning I haven’t had epic draining unforgettable dreams for a bit. Then I napped…there they were.

The med adjustment will take time. That they chilled for awhile is hopeful.

Damn it, I missed the White House streaming a live performance of Hamilton yesterday. There’s only a couple of clips. What is this shenanigans, I pick up a shift and all the good things happen while I’m at work.

Double damn it, kid spilled some beans to my mother…fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck…….

I might as well put it out here…last week I posted I had a meeting at kid’s school, naturally about kid, and I had big decisions to make. Kid has issues, ok? We’ll just leave that part there. The school psychologist recommended she go to a different school in the district where they have a program in place to better help her behavior issues. She would be with a class of kids who, like her, perform at or above grade level but struggle to behave in a regular classroom setting. The only additional service her current school could provide is Resource; that’s for kids who are below grade level academically. She would be part of a regular class; the amount of time she spent in that classroom depends on her behavior. The ultimate goal is to have her mainstreamed back into the regular classroom most or all of the day, hopefully in time for middle school. The new school will feed into the same middle school her current elementary school does. They have horse therapy once a week for the kids in the program. She would still receive speech, occupational, and behavioral therapy. Her occupational therapist would be the same, the psychologist is at both places, and while her behavior therapist isn’t assigned there anymore she visits a lot. There would be some consistency.

Since kid can’t keep a secret for shit, I was reluctant to tell her. But the last thing I wanted to do was blindside her. So I told her last week. We drove by the new school yesterday and talked about it some more.

Kid said something to mom last night. Damn it.

So mom asked me about it. I told her yes, that was a possibility, but I’d planned to tell them if I decided to switch her and not before. I did not want any well intentioned pressure or meddling from her or my dad in making this decision.

And then she did exactly what I just said I didn’t want – she said she didn’t think the public schools were the answer for kid.


I can’t even.

Also kid got a D on her report card. She used to be a straight A student. Now she’s getting mostly Bs and Cs because she won’t do her work. I told her I was disappointed about that. If she came home with a D and it really was her best, I’d be ok.

The longer today goes on, the more I feel unsettled. The idea of what will happen next in my life…I don’t want to finish the sentence for fear of tempting fate. This succession of shenanigans has me scared to think ahead.

I was drifting off to sleep early when mom said kid was talking about a shower. Yes, she needs a shower. Back up, got us both scrubbed down. My hands still smell like onions from cutting 15+ pounds yesterday. Have to look up online how to fix that.

I want chili. Ass fire chili, maximum heat I can handle. Which makes no sense because this 80°+ heat nonsense has me uncomfortably hot and miserable during the day. Think I’ll make some tomorrow. While in the air conditioned kitchen.

Still need a hug from someone unavailable to me. Actually a couple of someones unavailable to me.

My heart is so heavy tonight.


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